so today is day 29 (of 30) of my whole 30 paleo adventure. it's definitely been one of the most rewarding, life changing, and eye-opening experiences i have ever been a part of. 

part of the whole 30 program, if you want to pay fifteen dollars for the month, which i did, is getting daily emails from the creators of the whole 30 that motivate you, provide you with detailed information about a variety of things, and also advise you to reflect on your time doing this project. as one of the last days of the eating very strict paleo, i really have been thinking about my journey and how i have progressed, and maybe been set back, this month. 

i got home, back to houston, 2 days ago, and feel like i've been a non-stop whirlwind of energy. i organized our pantry and cleaned out our refrigerator, dumping all the wheat flours and refined sugars, all the sauces and marinades that contain soy, added sugar, and all the other weird shit that we unknowingly ingest. i basically just refuse to think that i'll ever eat that stuff again unless it's a special occasion--it's just the way my brain has been retrained as an outcome of this month eating so clean. 

the short list of things i will never, ever buy again because i can make them better:

1. MAYONNAISE

2. milk of any kind, except coconut

3. energy bars

4. tomato (pasta) sauce

5. pasta

i'm sure that as the years go by, this list will grow

for me, the whole 30 has not just been about changing the way i eat. i have increased, and changed, the way i work out, i have basically stopped watching tv, allowing myself to do other, less mind-melting, activities. those are not the most important transformations that have come around this month.

i feel powerful, confident, and enthusiastic about everything i do.

i dont second guess what i'm eating or feeling. i don't worry about what people think when i tell them i don't eat any sort of grain or unnatural sugar. i don't even care what my friends think of me when i say i probably will only eat ice cream from a carton a handful of times a year, for the rest of my life. i don't feel self-concious about what people may think of me. i don't even care that i'm telling all of you this, maybe you're strangers, maybe you're my mom, i never would have been this publicly open about anything before.

i would venture to say that i've always had a very strong and self-assured personality since a very young age. i've been driven my whole life in academics and in extracurricular activities, but i've never, ever, felt the empowerment that i do today. whether that comes from this new transformation of how i eat, or maybe it's the fact that i just finished my first year of college and am growing up a little more, who knows. all i know is that i love it, it's made me feel so great, and i fully plan on continuing eating paleo for the rest of my life. 

i urge everyone to find something that changes their life like this whole 30 program has changed mine. maybe it's changing your diet for a month's time, maybe it's reading a self-help book, maybe it's going out and doing something that you just never thought you could. find whatever that something is, and rejoice in the freedom that it will unlock inside of you. 

i went to my friend's lake house this weekend and had a ball--loved getting to do "water sports" and being active, and also being really, really inactive. their house, though, is spectacular. it's been in their family for generations, and although rustic, it is beautiful and quirky in it's own special way, the perfect little place i envision for a nice get away from the bustling furnace of New York City. 

I was a little nervous going to a friend's house becuase I didn't want to be a pain regarding food-- this did not happen on this trip, because my friend and her mom are totally up for paleo cooking!! time to spread my love for cooking and paleo and nutrition and everything! at one point i felt a little weird because i didn't want to overstep my boundaries in the kitchen, but all in all, i think it was okay. my contributions to the meals were sweet potato fries baked in coconut oil rather than normal, the whole batch was consumed, maybe just by me? does that still count as being appreciated?? 

then i taught Mack that whipped coconut cream is divine and heavenly and glorious and thrilling. pairing that with roasted peaches is even more godly, something that surely would bring Hercules back to Mount Olympus. 

the whipped cream melted when the peaches were plopped in the bowl. i didn't mind one bit. 

to top the trip off, as everyone was packing up, Mack and I made a yummy frittata for breakfast. freshly steamed broccoli, red bell peppers, tomatoes and sausage all covered in eggs and baked in the oven. YUM. we had this as our lunch on the car ride as well-- travels so easily-- yay!!

i know that the whipped coconut cream doesn't sound very whole 30, but I'm not a sweets addict, so i figure that won't knock me off of the great track i'm on. i'm not dependent on sweets, that little portion of coconut cream and peaches hasn't sent me into a rage to rip apart every fridge and cupboard in sight. 

after listening to Steve Kamb, on Abel James' podcast, i have decided to make a big goal and reward for this up coming semester/school year. from what i understand, Steve gives himself goals, and when he reaches them, and "levels up," he rewards himself by allowing himself to do something fun and enriching that will better his life from a nutritional/physical standpoint.

well, i really want to do another NOLS course, National Outdoor Leadership School, that is. I went to the Yukon for thirty days after my junior year in high school, swan dived into the wilderness, never coming up for a breath of air, never looking back to see how big of a splash i made. it didn't matter to me that i couldn't check my phone for thirty days, couldn't have contact with anyone but the seventeen other people, strangers, that joined me on this trek. it didn't even matter than i didn't have a mirror or a hairbrush or a shower for those thirty days. it was one of the best experiences of my life, and i am itching to get back into the back country, out of cities, out of civilization, and into the wild. 

me, the Yukon, Canada. shorts and snow, good combo

although i could easily sign up and be on my way right now, i want to earn it and push myself and use this experience i long for as a reward. in order for me to be able to go on my backpacking trip,  i have to make the dean's award at Colgate for the fall semester. as you can see if you click that link, i'm not on the list. it literally makes me sick looking at that list and knowing so many of my friends are on it just because they stayed in the library an extra few hours when i decided to go nap, eat, etc..... i could be on that list, but last year i decided school was not a priority. i didn't do terribly, but i want better. if i get above a 3.3 GPA fall semester, i can apply to go on another NOLS trip. if not, i get to work all summer :) the choice is mine, really, i just have to do what i know i can. thanks to Steve Kamb, i realized that i have to reach the next level in order to really be happy with myself as a student and a motivated person in general. 

check out my sister's blog. she's doing a whole 30:vegan style!!

okay so i think this is going to be a long one, so hang in there with me and if you get bored, skip stuff or stop reading, whatever. 

as an intern, we have this intern speaker series that we can go to and listen to different people working at my ngo speak about their experiences. yesterday, we listened to two fellows talk about their experiences in russia and somewhere else, i can't remember. so to start off her story she introduces herself and and says that she got into this field of study because "her interest was...(insert interest)"... i literally don't remember what she said because her "interest" was so subdued i almost fell asleep during her talking. thank god for facebook, instagram and all the other modes of technology i use to entertain myself when bored. 

from her talk, i didn't grasp the importance of fellowships or her projects at human rights watch, but i realized that whatever i do as a profession in my life will have to have much more oomph behind it than a mild "interest." what i really need, what i really want, is a burning fireball of passion and desire to get up, day after day, year after year, to do whatever i choose to do out of the millions of options that really, everyone has. i can tell you something that i know for sure about me, among the many things that i don't know about myself or my future, but i know for a fact that if i'm doing something without one hundred percent devotion to it, i'll do it shitily and pay attention only to what i'd rather be doing. for me , a simple "interest" just won't cut it. 

that was what i was thinking about yesterday as i sat in my cubicle for eight hours, fyi.

on a totally different note, as i was walking to work today, i saw the biggest, jiggliest set of boobs i've ever seen before 9 am. i then started to think about the appeal of boobs versus butts.... is that weird of me? probably, but who cares.

my thing about boobs is that i feel like they're just blobs of fat on people's chests. other than breast feeding, which is absolutely natural and healthy, but totally grosses me out beyond belief, boobs really don't serve any purpose except discomfort for some, embarrassment for others, and complete and utter fascination to guys, and/or girls. i just don't really get it. butts are so much better. 

butts are strong and majestic. they get you places. they get you to the peak of a mountain, they get you to the end of your 100th ultramarathon, they pick up your trash and your kids, they even get you up the stairs and into bed at night. without butts, we would literally not be able to do anything. love your butt, don't try to make it smaller. do squats.

on ANOTHER note, i made a fucking kick ass meal tonight. salmon cakes, brussel sprout hash, steamed broccoli and a homemade mayo dipping sauce. killed it. i was a little hesitant because a lot of the recipes for salmon cakes call for canned wild salmon--- wild of course, never buy farmed salmon. but i imagine gross canned tuna when i think of canned fish. anyways, i went for it and got the whole foods 365 brand of canned wild salmon, and it actually turned out really well! i threw some green onions, parsley, ground ginger, dill and some cayenne pepper into the bowl and mixed that up with the salmon and two eggs. cooking the cakes in a pan with oil, they taste gooood. look at this recipes for the brussel sprout hash, winner. 

also, i literally just learned, this very second, that it is brussels sprout hash. plural? random. 

the other night i made pistachio milk and walnut milk!! cool. also, newly obsessed with chia seeds.

i've been listening to podcasts the last two days while i go to work instead of listening to music. the fat burning man has a ton of super interesting things to talk about, all related to nutrition and the body. podcasts are freeeeeeeeeee.

after my first day of my last week at Human Rights Watch, all i wanted to do was come home and make and prep the meals that i had planned for this week. i get home, and like usual, can't find my keys in my purse, so i dump the entirety of the contents of my bag out onto the stoop, and still don't find my keys. i left them in the house. they are less that five feet away from me but a big, secure, locked door resides in between me and my kitchen, my happiness, and my would be satiated hunger. 

i call my dad, i have to go all the way up to his office and then all the way back. UGH. 

anyways, i go back up to midtown, come back, go to whole food and gather the ingredients i need and make it back home just as the clouds roll in, the sky darkens and the rain starts to fall. 

coconut chicken curry with cauliflower rice: get in my belly.

i wish someone had already invented a device that allows a picture to capture smells as well, because, damn, this smelled good. creamy, coconuty, and delicious!

i sat down and started to watch matilda while i ate my scrumptious meal, but then realized i really only wanted to watch the part where mrs. trunchbull makes bruce eat the whole chocolate cake, probably because i want to eat a whole chocolate cake right about now. not that i'm not loving the amazing paleo food i've been making for myself, but i was in the presence of something godly this weekend, and i haven't been able to stop thinking about it.

just LOOK at this. gooey, homemade chocolate cake/brownie with homemade ice cream and raspberries topped with a sprinkling of powdered sugar. literally my dream dessert, and it was presented in front of me this weekend. i turned it down repeatedly from my step sister and friends and then finally when i had escaped the endless offerings, my dad walks up with the whole shebang on his plate and goes "want some?" NO. that killed my soul. 

instead of watching Matilda though, i decided to make my own mayo and then some chicken salad, because i LOOVE chicken salad and i've been missing it a lot. 

making homemade mayonnaise seams scary, and i was pretty scared not that i wouldn't  end up with nice, creamy mayo, but that i'd have to clean up the gross concoction of egg and oil if the mayo didn't come together as planned. as i started pouring the oil in carefully and slowly, the mixture did not start to thicken and i was super worried, however, after a few minutes, and a lot of very slow pouring and shaky arms, i got mayonnaise!! 

and then i made chicken salad... YUM

to top it all off, i even clean up the whole kitchen!

but actually, who am i? i never clean and i also hate it, but tonight, i cleaned all the dishes, unloaded and loaded the dishwasher, and even cleanup under and around each individual grate on the stove. 

i've sorta been blindly following the paleo diet without knowing quite what the benefits were. yes, it makes me more energized and feel much better, but i didn't know the scientific benefits of eating a high fat, low carb diet, which is what the paleo diet is. 

i think i've bought like 3 books about paleo that aren't recipe books but actual informational books but haven't actually cracked any of them open. way too many words and not enough pictures! well, this morning i read on Mark's Daily Apple about fats and grains and how eating, or not eating, them properly is so important. 

i'm on day 15 of my whole 30, halfway through, and i feel great! although this change in my diet has definitely benefited me, i've never really known why or how, and never been able to explain it to my friends and family. if you're curious, just read the links above because they are explained beautifully. 

bluuurrrrrr

i almost broke paleo last night because my friends are in town and i can get persuaded to do bad things pretty easily. i literally almost erased the last two plus weeks of hard work for a little fun. i really thought that it's impossible to be that sober friend at the bars still having a good time, but i actually had fun! thank god i didn't break paleo because i would be so pissed at myself i wouldn't know what to do with myself today!! yay self control and determination!! 

for the last 15 days i am determined to be as whole 30 paleo as humanly possible, eating the right amounts of fats, proteins, and veggies; coming up with awesome meals, breakfast, lunch, and dinner; exercising, yet not overdoing it; and improving my life in some way or another, whether that be going to museums, exploring a new area of town, or sitting down and reading a book instead of watching late night tv. 

can't wait to finish out this amazing month the right way!!

praise to paleomg for making up so many amazing recipes! the other night, my roommate and i made her lemon artichoke pesto chicken pasta-- of course, we used spaghetti squash instead of pasta #paleo. it was literally to die for. in addition to that, i used the left over pesto on my eggs the next morning and died again. 

this was literally so good i could eat it for every meal of the week!

now you see it: 

now you don't:

those eggs disappeared in probably 30 seconds. im a hungry gal.

i was sitting at my desk yesterday, probably at the sixth or seventh consecutive hour, and realized that, although my internship has really opened my eyes to issues around the world and taught me a very important lesson about responsibility and accountability, i really just dont think that im cut out for a world where i spend my whole day sitting down in front of a computer in an almost silent office. obviously, as an intern, i have many years to really find the niche that i love and care about, so maybe some day in the future i will be an office gal, but not right now.

all i want to cook. and cook for people. i think one of my favorite things in the world to do is step into a kitchen and start making something amazing--hopefully. i love working away, with music, or just silently, chopping veggies, hearing the sizzle of something cooking in a aromatic olive oil. i love the way people will walk in and out of the kitchen,  asking what im making, if they can help, or keeping me company by just sitting there. people are drawn to the kitchen, and when i have a home, that will be the heart of the house. 

my second favorite thing about cooking is the instant gratification. of course, when i taste the food while im cooking, i get a sneak peek at what the meal will taste like. when other people sit down at the table and take the first bite of food, that is truly my favorite part about being in a kitchen for hours, making something simple or tediously difficult. the first bite, the facial expression, the rolling of the eyes when they say how tasty--hopefully!!-- the meal is makes me happier than a lot of things in this world. 

maybe its my love for making people happy and taking care of them, although that might not be apparent all the time, or my deep relationship with food, but seeing how other people become happier because of my creation is way more fulfilling than working in an office. 

all i want is a pancake!! so many paleo pancakes posted on instagram under #showusyourstack ! browse those pancakes and if your mouth isnt watering then something is wrong with you!!!

im randomly obsessed with zucchini now; its easy, quick, and tastes great! i eat it basically with breakfast, lunch, and dinner, and havent gotten bored with it yet! since im  doing the whole 30, and cant have pancakes, i realllly want to make zucchini fritters! how yum! 

pretty much this day was a bore but go ahead and look at all those pancake recipes on instagram and then make some in my honor!!